Strippers, Handcuffs and Revelations
by bellakitse
Summary: As far as plans go, letting Santana Lopez plan her twenty-fifth birthday probably wasn't Rachel Berry's brightest.


Title: Strippers, Handcuffs and Revelations

Category: Glee

Ship: Puck/Rachel, Santana/Rachel/Puck friendship

Genre: Humor/Romance/Friendship

Rated: PG-13

Word Count: 2556

Summary: As far as plans go, letting Santana Lopez plan her twenty-fifth birthday probably wasn't Rachel Berry's brightest.

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or its characters.

A/N my beta is the bee's knees!

_**PuckRachel Drabble Meme: **_

**Rachel**: Look, I may have said a few things that—

**Puck**: _You could ride me until my knees buckled. Squeeze me 'til I pop like warm champagne._ That's not the kind of thing a man forgets. –Sarcastic_Fina

**Officer:** I have an arrest warrant here for Rachel Berry- Sarcastic_Fina

… … …

As far as plans go, letting Santana Lopez plan her twenty-fifth birthday probably wasn't Rachel Berry's brightest. When she first arrived at New York City and by extension N.Y.U. she had been surprised to run into Santana at orientation, the prickly not-quite-friend-not-quite-enemy from high school. In the big city, they were little fishes in a big pond and suddenly old fights and rivalries seemed trivial and the two of them had grabbed onto each other like a life line. It wasn't long before their happy duo turned into a kickass—Santana's word—trio with Puck's arrival at the city a few months into their freshmen year.

Together they had gotten through everything from classes and stressful finals to Puck's time at the Police Academy. She and Santana had watched as he graduated, cheering and hollering over the whole assembly. They'd comforted her after her break-up with her first college boyfriend and had helped her get revenge when he spread rumors about their love life. She and Santana had put the fear of god on a sorority bint that had taken into her head that Puck was hers to harass and stalk and while Puck could have more than enough to handle the bleach-blonde bitch. It had been more fun for her and Santana to make the girl quake in her fake Milano shoes. And when Brittany had written Santana a _'Dear Jane'_ letter, the three of them holed themselves in Puck's apartment with enough food and beer to outlast a nuclear holocaust. In the last six plus years, the three of them had been together through the good times and the bad times.

So when her birthday approached, her being the last of the three to turn the big two-five, her friends wanted to celebrate in grand style. It spelled trouble from the start but when having two very devious, charming, beautiful people pleading with her, it was hard to say _no_.

"Okay, so we have a case of all flavored Bacardi, a case of Grey Goose, a bottle of Jameson just for Puck, Coronas, Bud Lights for the lightweight theater buddies you hang out with, Stellas for the awesome like myself." Santana grinned at her from the corner of their couch, checking off her list.

"Think you have enough alcohol, Santana?" She asked dryly as she flipped through the channels from the same couch.

"You're right, B… we should double up on everything." Santana answered cheekily, ignoring Rachel's sarcasm or the noise of disbelief she let out.

"Are we celebrating my birthday or trying to get alcohol poisoning, San?"

Santana laughed at her friend's dramatic tone, giving her a shrug. "Not poisoning, just enough to make the day of your birth a day to remember and for you to finally take action."

"If we drink all that, we won't remember our names much less the day," Rachel reasoned. "And action?"

"Yeah, liquid courage."

Rachel looked at her girlfriend with a bemused smile. "Liquid courage for what?"

Santana returned the gesture with her own smile, however, more wicked than anything Rachel was used to, even after years of friendship. "For you to finally do what you've been dying to do for years, jump our friend Officer Puckerman's bones."

"Santana Elena Lopez!"

"I hate it when you say my middle name at me," Santana scowled. "Why _are_ you middle naming me?"

"Because you are being outrageous!" Rachel explained as she rubbed her forehead tiredly. "Even more so than usual."

Santana rolled eyes, going back to her beverage list. "_Please_, you can deny it all you want but _we both_ know that Puck is your panty wetter, always has been. Sooner or later, you'll put him, yourself and everyone who has to be around your sexual tension, i.e, _me_ out of our misery and ride him like a bronco… hopefully, sooner rather than later, like your birthday this Friday."

Rachel shook her head as she got up from the couch, heading for the door. "I'll never get use to you. I'm meeting Noah at the station for lunch, wanna come?"

"And you never will!" Santana answered. "Pass, on lunch. Watching Puckerman give you lovesick looks when you aren't looking makes me gag. Heteros! You're all so fucked up."

Rachel huffed as she picked up her purse, smiling in spite of herself. "See you later."

"Oh, wait!" Santana called out. "How many strippers do you think we need for the party?"

Santana Lopez smiled as the door shut loudly, checking off another part of her list. Things were going _perfectly_.

xxx

"Our best friend is crazy."

Officer Noah Puckerman looked up from the police reports on his desk at the beautiful brunette.

"That's why we're friends with her, Berry." He got up and rounded his desk pulling her into a hug. He smiled as he felt her sigh as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

Puck smoothed his hand over her glossy dark locks as he pulled back to see her face. "What did Santana do this time?"

Rachel looked up at Noah's handsome face, her stomach flip-flopping as his hazel-green eyes locked with hers, his teasing smile doing weird things to her pulse. She hated when Santana brought up the possibility of her and Noah or her ill-hidden attraction for him because it always made her hyper-aware when she was around him, more than usual. "Nothing really…something about strippers for my birthday."

Puck gave her a curious look. "Male or female strippers?"

"I…," Rachel paused, wondering herself, it was a good question. "I have no idea."

Puck laughed loudly as he draped his arm over her shoulder. "Let's go get something to eat. I'm starving and don't worry so much, Santana and I are going to make your birthday interesting."

Rachel circled her arm around his waist again. "The last time you guys made a night 'interesting' I ended up on the George Washington Bridge topless."

Puck let out a dreamy sigh clearly remembering the moment. "Best. New Years. _EVER_."

"Noah!" Rachel screeched, laughing as they left the station. "And, I lost my Jimmy Choos that night! I can't lose my babies again."

Puck stopped at the passenger's side of his squad car; opening the door for her, he gave her a mock serious grin. "Rachel, I am a police officer, I am here to protect and serve your shoes."

Rachel beamed up at him. "My hero."

Puck rolled his eyes, chuckling softly at her. "Just relax… it's going to be fine."

xxx

Puck looked around Rachel and Santana's usually spacious apartment now cramped with people. The music was blasting, the liquor was flowing freely and the birthday girl was stunning in her little, _little_ black dress, towering heels and waves of hair.

"Hey, Officer Pathetic, could you stare at her any harder?"

Puck pursed his lips as he looked down, sitting next to him was his crazy ex, taking in her glassy-looking eyes. "Lopez, how does a night in the 'drunk tank' sound?"

"It sounds like you've forgotten I'm a lawyer, asshole, and I know my rights." Santana answered, baring her pearly whites.

Puck opened his mouth to respond, only to be cut off by a voice loudly taking over the music.

"EXCUSE US, NYPD!" A male officer called out next to a female officer. "I have an arrest warrant here for Rachel Berry!"

Puck looked down at Santana who was snickering, and then, across the room where Rachel stood with a look of dread on her face.

"I'm her, Officer." Rachel spoke up, moving closer to the police officers. "May I ask what the charges are?"

The male officer pulled out his handcuffs as the female officer moved closer to Rachel. "It seems you're being charged with being an extremely hot birthday girl."

"Hit it!" Santana shouted over to the DJ, causing the officers to pull off their clothes as the guest started to hoot and laugh.

Puck watched as the officers turned strippers danced around a blushing Rachel while everyone enjoyed the show, he shook his head and looked back at Santana who was sporting a maniacal grin.

"You had to get cop strippers?" He questioned her.

Santana shrugged, still smiling. "I thought it would be inspirational for her and for you."

Puck narrowed his eyes at his friend. "How so?"

Santana pointed at Rachel who had given up and joined in the fun laughing as the stripper handcuffed one of her wrist. "Don't you wish it was you handcuffing her right now? I bet she does."

"Santana," Puck said her name tiredly.

"Stop being a pussy, Puck, you are a cop in New York City, you get shot at and deal with crazy crack dealers, you can deal with your love for a 5'1" Broadway diva. You've loved her since high school and she's the reason you came here in the first place. After almost seven years here, don't you think it's time she knew that?"

Puck squinted at her. "You're not drunk, are you?"

"Please, bitch, I can drink you under the table," Santana laughed. "Think about what I said, now if you excuse me, I'm going to go and charm my way into the female stripper's panties."

xxx

Puck stood outside on the fire escape; the party, while smaller, still raged on behind him.

"What are you doing out here all by your lonely lonesome?" Slurred words reached him.

Puck turned around to find Rachel half-hanging out the window, one of her feet san heels down the fire escape as she clumsily climbed out to join him. He reached out, steadying her as the rest of her body followed. Laughing as she clung to him.

"You're drunk."

Rachel grinned widely up at him, her face flushed, waves of hair all over the place. "Yep!"

He smiled at the childlike expression on her face. "You've been having fun with your strippers, birthday girl?"

"I was, I was playing with them." She nodded, still holding on to him as she looked out at the city. "But then Santana started hitting on the girl cop and dragged her off cavewoman style and the boy cop-stripper left already."

"Sorry."

She shrugged as she looked up at him. "It's okay, the only cop I want to play with is you."

"You're drunk." Puck repeated, shifting at the heated look she gave him, her teasing smile driving him crazy.

Rachel nodded again as she lifted her hands to the back of his neck, pulling him down so that her mouth was at level with his ear. "Totally, which is why I can finally tell you what I've wanted to tell you for years." She rambled.

"What's that?" He asked quietly. The night while cool had risen in temperature suddenly. He could feel himself start to sweat as her body touched his, her body all but glued to his. His hand at her waist held her in place and upright, or maybe they held him up as her mouth glazed the shell of his ear as she started to whisper all the things she wanted to do to him. As she finished her description, he cursed himself for being a good guy now and wondered….

"Why the hell do you have to be drunk right now?"

xxx

Her brain was trying to escape; it was pounding against her skull in its need to get out.

"Night to remember my ass," She croaked out as she pushed herself up slowly off her bed. "I don't want to remember feeling like shit."

"Most people don't."

Rachel let out a scream, tumbling out of her bed and on to the floor in her panic. She laid there quietly, her eyes closed, willing the moment okay.

"It's not a dream, Rach." Puck said, holding back his laughter as he looked over the edge of the bed at her. "You're twenty-five, you're hung-over and you spent the night with me in your bed."

Rachel cracked one eye open, her stomach flipping not just from the alcohol but from the soft smile he was giving her. "Hi."

Puck smiled kindly at her. "Hi." He repeated, holding out his hand to pull her back on to the bed, sitting up with her.

Rachel looked around her room, down at herself and then at him. "We didn't…."

"No." Puck shook his head at her, his hand reaching out for hers. "We talked…well you talked and then I brought you to your room and you fell asleep soon after, I just crashed."

Rachel nodded as he explained before his words really made their way pass her traitorous brain. "I talked…" She trailed off, words echoing in her head. 'ride', 'pop', 'suck'. "_Oh god_."

"Look, I may have said a few things that…"

"_You could ride me until my knees buckled. Squeeze me 'til I pop like warm champagne,"_ Puck recounted the words she had whispered, his lips curving as she groaned and dropped her head on her bed. He knew he was embarrassing her but he had laid awake all night wishing hard he could wake her up and make her make good on her promises. She owed him this. "That's not the kind of thing a man forgets, Rach."

"Kill me now," Rachel groaned into her pillow. Taking a deep breath, she counted to ten before she lifted her head once again, facing him. "Noah, I didn't mean…"

"It." Puck finishing for her, losing his smile. It hurt to say out loud, hurt more than he expected.

"No, I meant it," Rachel answered quickly, her pulse racing at her impulsive words. "I just didn't mean to say it like that or drunk, I should have told you that I'm in love with you, not…"

He cut her off, his arms circling her waist as he pulled her to him, his mouth covering hers. Lips slanted against each other, he took what he had wanted for years, losing himself in the warmth of her mouth.

"…not that I want to ride you." Rachel finished her thought as he ended the kiss.

"You don't want to ride me?" Puck asked as he kissed the corners of her mouth and down her jaw.

Rachel tilted her head, giving him access to her skin. She closed her eyes and sighed as he laid wet kisses on the column of her throat. "I totally do."

Puck laughed against her skin, pulling back as he took her face in his hands. "I love you, Rachel Berry, I have for a long time, and it feels like I've loved you forever."

Rachel beamed at him through glassy tear-filled eyes. "I love you, too, Noah. I love you, too."

Puck kissed her softly as he laid her down, his body covering hers.

Rachel smiled up at him as she caressed his face. "Best birthday ever, remind me to thank San later."

xxx

Santana Lopez closed the door of her apartment behind the pretty blonde leaving in her policewoman uniform.

As she headed back to the living room, taking in the mess, she heard the moans, groans and '_oh Noahs'_ coming out of her best friend's bedroom and smiled to herself. Taking the handcuff the girl had left her with, she placed it on the doorknob of Rachel's bedroom door. Rachel and Puck could use them later.

Just another little present for her birthday girl.


End file.
